March 2, 2016 at 2:41 pm #18845
You Can’t Catch a Vision with a Grasping Hand
Okay, so I haven’t posted or been on site for over 3 weeks… why? What happened? I wasn’t sitting around idling. I was trying too hard to force my vision of my eCourse into a neat little box. The more i chased it, the more elusive it became. It shape shifted, expanded into a giant monstrosity and floated just beyond my limited grasp. I felt irritated, frustrated and furious. I clasped my hands into fists and I threw a big tantrum. I yelled at that slippery vision, told it to get lost, that it was just a dumb old idea and I didn’t want anything to do with. And then I felt really, really sad, really, really bad and terribly ashamed. I banished myself from the warmth and camaraderie of the campfires and my old default setting of isolation kicked in. I felt my scared little kid pop out into full holographic replay. (In my family, when we did something wrong as kids, we were sent to our bedroom to think about what we had done, often for hours, until further terms of punishment were decided.)
So i gave myself a time out. I let the vision float and shift like a cloud in the sky, while i tended to my freaked out little kid on the ground. I removed the batteries from my energizer bunny action figure self and cuddled up with a real live puppy. We hung out and watched hours of kids tv shows about Mermaids and Alien Surfgirls. I was house sitting a big old magical house in downtown Toronto, full of colourful artwork, african masks, inuit carvings and a full suit of armor. And then some Real Fairy Godmothers started to appear ….
One showed up with loads of groceries, stayed for several days, cooked amazing meals, and reminded me to nourish my body well. One offered her awesome business coaching expertise in exchange for one of my akashic sessions. One came and chanted vedic mantras when i had a migraine and encouraged me to use my tools of yoga, meditation, chanting and ceremony. Another shared how she created her mythic writing eCourse and then she gifted me with the telling an old folktale- Catherine and Her Destiny- reminding me of my gifts and wisdom it is time to share.
I rested, dreamed and allowed my vision to roam free and uninhibited. I dusted off my neglected loom and began to weave, allowing creative energy to move freely through my hands into colourful yarns. I sought the support of three wise healers to clean up some old karmic imprints, rearranged my molecules and update my circuitry. I began to sense the vision shaping itself, just beyond the grasp of my mind…
Today I snowshoed across a frozen lake covered in fresh glistening snow. To my surprise, my vision began to sparkle in rainbow colours through the multi-faceted snow crystal prisms. It swirled and danced with the wind horses kicking up the snow as they raced across the clear sky. And then it began to brush up against me, ever so lightly. I just allowed it to flutter and glide like a magical winged being. I know my hands and heart must be open, my mind empty, my personality humble and my spirit huge and expansive for this one to land…March 4, 2016 at 3:33 pm #19005
Bradley MorrisMountain Guide@bradleytmorris
I so understand what you were going through Luma and am thrilled to hear you gave yourself the space your course needed to start feeding you with inspiration and vision again.
Next time, don’t let yourself stay away from the Campfire so long. We’re here to support you in times of challenge, confusion and hardship. We are kinda like your FairyGuideMothers!March 9, 2016 at 11:40 am #19416
Luma I love you and your writing. I too have been away for 3 weeks and it hasn’t been pretty, and I to am used to patterns of buggering off and hiding in shame, so hooray for us to coming back to the warmth of the campfire …March 10, 2016 at 1:28 pm #19496
Thanks @bradleytmorris 🙂 aka FairyGuideBrother!
I will do my very best to break the isolation habit and make a commitment to stop by the campfires at least once a week.March 10, 2016 at 3:34 pm #19506
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