Bradley Morris 7 years, 8 months ago-
Posts
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I’m baaack.
A synopsis of Away. It was a harrowing experience getting to, dealing with, and returning from Planet Dementia. I had visited it once before when my grandmother took up residence there. Now her daughter has arrived. I discovered a great warehouse of Patience that I took full advantage of. Patience with her. Especially patience with myself. And dogged determination.Most notable, however, is the fear of my DNA that kept taking little bites out of my soul. Was I peering into a vision of my own future? Well, that line of worry is a big old Tar Pit from which no good ever escaped. So I have discovered that one can swat away fear. Like flies. It keeps coming back, but after a while, it WILL stop pestering. For a while.
Turns out Dementia Fear Fly Swatting was really good practice, however, because then I found myself teleported to a place I haven’t been for a while–brand new brand and Website Launch. I have been literally immersed in getting content to my website developer. She did a fantastic job of creating a visual masterpiece and then we went live.
WHO KNEW THERE WOULD BE SUCH FEAR? SUCH FATIGUE? SUCH “I FEEL SO DRAINED” when something so fantastic has FINALLY been accomplished?!?
This combined with the lessons in Saless Checkpoint–what do you fear?–has been so illuminating.
I FEAR FAILURE SO MUCH THAT I HAVE OPTED FOR–AND AM TEMPTED TO AGAIN–NOT COMPLETE THINGS LIKE THIS COURSE.
Better to be annoyed with myself that I didn’t finish yet another thing that I started than to get to Launch Summit only to find everyone else is on it, and I somehow ended up in Failure Forest. Alone.Fear. I feel it. I see it. It’s hanging around so much now that I am thinking we better get to know one another better. Cause everyone on this trek has to pull their own weight. And if Fear is going to stay around, it better be prepared to make itself useful.
On the rocket ride to Planet Dementia I caught up on some reading. Namely, Seth Grodin’s “The Icarus Decetion: How High Will You Fly?” I was particularly struck by his filling out the rest of the myth that we are not told about. We all know that Icarus’s father had warned him not to fly too high–too close to the sun, or his wings to freedom would melt and he would fall to his death. But the other warning his father gave that nobody preaches was about an even greater danger. He was told DO NOT FLY TOO LOW, lest a gust of wind come along and blow him into the ocean to his death. There was actually greater peril of perishing from aiming too low. Icarus’s disastrous fall was his failure to remain aware of where he was and what was reasonable. He actually had lots of room to soar. He just did’t respect the temporary limitations of his situation. However, I suspect the greater danger for me isn’t, flying too high but rather aiming too low because I am so afraid of falling.
Fear. Wowza. I can tell this process is going to require unloading some baggage.
Which is good to know. Now I know what I am up against. And I also know something about how good the relief is once it is done. And how to do it–by taking action. And what the reward will be for getting up in the morning, breaking camp and heading back to Creatora Heights to pick up some much needed supplies. But for tonight, I think I will pull my sleeping bag out of the tent and just watch the stars. And appreciate how far I have come.
Welcome back from your inner pilgrimage. Sounds like the pits of fear have been weighing you down. All for good reason I am sure. Clearing out that baggage will only make you lighter on your feet so you can climb higher, faster and with more precision and power. I celebrate you and your courage Sharyn. Think of how much of a gift it’ll be for those you serve having gone through it yourself. Looking forward to seeing you around on the trail!
OK, so nix the “brilliant, creative mind” crap.
However, I’m still alive and well, and somewhere on this dad-gum mountain.
After a very fine coaching session with Brad and Andy several weeks ago, I have pared down my e-course to a walk in the park webinar. Sounded simple enough at the time. And pretty exciting.
So I dug right in and started with my slides. And after 2 days had about 10 and completely lost the thread of the conversation I want to have.
So I’ve been having deep conversations with my nay-saying Shadow who is 100% committed to my remaining invisible and obscure.
Does anyone else experience The Shadow appearing every time you commit to a big thing? To a bigger version of yourself.
Anyhow, I’ve sorted some things out–again. And have committed to my little list community to deliver my first webinar on Aug. 15th. Tentative title: “Personal Destiny & Wyrd Bliss: How To Save The World By Being “Different.”
I know, I know. It isn’t clear and straight forward. What the hell is “wyrd bliss”? And I may change it. But right now I just have to offer what I have to offer and hope someone will tell me the real title should be. ‘Cause trying to figure out what I am supposed to say instead of what I am actually able and interested in saying is killing the Muse.
So, I’m going to hop over to the campfire having to do with Names, and outlines and such. Just wanted to update my progress log and say “Damnit! I haven’t reached the summit yet, but I’m still HERE.”
Celebrating all of this Sharyn!
Your perseverance for sticking with your process and this journey.
For being vulnerable and sharing your struggles and inner battles with us.
For being courage and saying, “screw it, I’m gonna do it anyways and August 15th is the date!”
For striving to just show up and do the first webinar and improve from there, rather than waiting for perfection.
For being willing to look at the shadow side and heal, grow, transform and change what’s no longer serving.
The summit may seem like a long ways away. It may feel like you’re making no progress.
But what I am seeing is the butterfly emerging from its cocoon.
You are in the chrysalis of a huge transformation.
Your metamorphosis IS the work and IS the gift you are here to give all your future students. (not some powerpoint presentation)
You are the eCourse you’ve been waiting for!
(deep bows)
Bradley, you are always so positive and encouraging. Thank you! It means a lot. And makes the difference in “keeping on keeping on.” Namaste.
Now, back to working on that walk in the park and my slides so you and Andy can help me give my viewers a GEA worthy experience! Will send you the link so we can set up another great coaching call soon.
Switchback # 31,615. And good coaching can make a big difference.
SHIFT. (that ‘f’ makes a difference.)
1 month ago I had an excellent coaching call with Brad & Andy (had taken advantage of their super-duper offer.)
It was exceedingly helpful. By the end of a most illuminating call I had changed up my e-course from an overwhelming dead-end 6-8 week thing to a “simple” walk-in the park webinar. I agreed to challenge myself to get it done in 2 weeks. I was hopeful, positive and feeling much lighter than before our call.
Today, 4 weeks later (2 weeks beyond the completion goal I had set for myself) I met with them again. Sill not finished, but had made good progress on my slides. Still feeling more hopeful than I had for many a month (OK, OK–years), but also dragging my feet. STILL. Feeling the drag. Telling myself it would be OK. I was doing what needed to be done. Doing what I was supposed to do. Doing what I had agreed to do. Doing what I wanted to do? Well, sort of. But the deeper into making the slides I went, the more I dragged my feet. They are visually OK, but sort of dead. Just words.
Nonetheless, I was determined to ignore the nagging sense that something was still wrong. It shouldn’t be this hard ALL THE TIME, should it? I don’t really want to do this. Hush. Don’t think like that….
Some where along the way in this world of on-line business, I have been assuming responsibility for the “something wrong.” Maybe I’m not ambitious enough, not technology minded enough, not committed enough. I never finish anything important (really can’t believe I have been singing that song, given what I have done with my life.) I’m too old, blah, blah, blah.
And shame, shame, shame. Who thought that was a good idea for motivation? Sheesh.
Somewhere along the line, I abandoned that mess. No more shame. Just a profound sense of constantly showing up at a party where I don’t fit in. Tired of trying to fit myself into any kind of box. But still determined to keep going.
Do you know what I mean when I say that I can FEEL WHEN SOMETHING IS OFF, but knowing that and fixing it are 2 different things.
BREAKTHROUGH
I went to today’s coaching call with resistance that I insisted on pushing away. And proceeded to do once again exactly what I know is the thing that is guaranteed to kill happiness. I FORCED MYSELF TO DO SOMETHING THAT I EXPECTED WOULD BE PAINFUL.
Because my head was in the game of creating this webinar, but not my heart. Not my pleasure.
And the guys could hear it. And in their honest, kindly, insightful way led me to realize that I’ve been trying to stuff myself into an e-course model that just doesn’t fit what I want to do. Like, the shoes I have been trying to wear are great shoes. The only problem is they hurt my feet. I can only walk a little distance in them. And I haven’t been able to admit it, because if I don’t follow a model, then I won’t have anything.
WHAT’S NEXT….
I’m taking another giant step into writing my own story. It’s the hero’s journey that Joseph Campbell talked about. It’s time to enter the woods where there is no path. This feels familiar. And comfortable. And kind of thrilling.
For the next few days I’m going to reflect, journal and find the conversation that I want to begin with. An introduction to the kinds of deep, meaningful conversations that I want to have with a collective of powerful old souls preparing for their finest hour. For something rich. Something beautiful. Something meaningful. Something very special.
I may deliver that webinar I worked so long on. But in a much more relaxed, open manner.
And I won’t be making a pitch for an e-course (as I thought I would.)
WHAT I WILL BE CREATING FOR NOW
I will be inviting a gathering of like-minded people for insight about this “wyrd bliss” thing and conversation about possibilities, longings, challenges, support and preparation.
And for the next while, showing up in venues that support intimate exploration and conversation.
Then, with webinars under my belt, live and lively conversations unfolding, then perhaps I can talk about some version of “e-course.”
The concept of “round tables” came up in the coaching call today. I like that. Years ago I had a vision of a gathering of 7 women. I sensed, rather than saw, that we had engaged in a shared meal, story telling, light hearted gossip, laughter. And were now gathering outdoors in the woods for some sort of important ritual. I held a position of authority, but only by virtue of insight and wisdom. Each of the others had unique powers of their own. And that the ritual was a joining of Light somehow.
This decision to have conversations that may lead to some sort of membership community or the kind of e-course I have thought I would create finally feels right.
Am I giving up on my e-course? Not at all. However, I am approaching it in a way that is much more aligned with my nature (and therefore more honorable) and my longing for stimulation and growth and connection. It appears to be the long way around. We will see. The long way is much better than no way around, which is what has been happening.
I am embarking on my Pathless Way. Challenging? Yes. That’s OK. For the first time I feel myself close to Home. Just one more membrane to break through.
NOTES:
I note my courage to let go of what isn’t working, what I honestly don’t want to do. It doesn’t matter how much time, money and effort I have put in thus far. It. doesn’t. work. FOR. ME.
I note my relief at finding an opening that feels right.
I note my pleasure at imagining what can be.
I note that Andy and Brad have opened this door. They could have stuck with their model and “coached” me to do a traditional webinar with GEA swag. But instead they led the charge to question and get to the heart of what it is that I most want. And encouraged and supported my getting there in a way that is honest and rich with fulfillment, and off the beaten path.
I note that sometimes getting to bliss means shedding many layers of conditioning that insist we perform in a commonly accepted formulaic way. And build a business that way too.
I note that I will be backing out of most of the popular business groups I have subscribed to–we don’t speak the same language.
I note that for long stretches of time, all I have had to go on is my knowing that something wasn’t right for me. Yet I did not give up. I note that I did not give up.
I note that something fresh is in the air.
Now to answer some more important questions for myself.
Wow, great recap on the conversation we had today. I felt the shift too Sharyn. I am so excited for the newfound clarity. All those other mountains you climbed to get to hear needed to happen to be here. They were training. They were refining. They were conditioning. Through each and every step you’ve taken you have become a little more clear in what your message is and what you truly want to be doing and offering. I am excited to see what this next 72 hours brings for you.
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