I have seen death. I have seen hunger. I have seen beyond tired. I have feel pain. I carried three two hundred pound men down mountain on back. I have seen everything. There is no fear left.

Well my eCourse fears seems pretty lame compared to cuddling with rattlesnakes necked…I’ve just got that insidious fear of my own success thing going on :/ I do feel confident that I have a good course idea and could make it work, otherwise.

Such a weird fear, perhaps it is that I worry I’ll lose my laid-back lifestyle. Then again, I get antsy when I’m not busy, so it’s not like I’m afraid of work. I think another fear is that I’m making the wrong decision, maybe missing out on another, better path that I could be taking?

I can see that it is valuable to be doing these fears because seeing them written down makes them less powerful. Now that they’re written down I can see the flaws in that thinking. If I am on the wrong path I can always just hop off, eh? Mistakes are there to learn from, and it is better to make a mistake than regret having not done anything. So ok, full steam ahead!

I always find a way to sabotage myself. I don’t finish or follow through. I give up. When things get difficult I avoid them. I don’t know why. I don’t think I need to know why, at least not yet. I just need to change that. I am letting go of those past habits. I am going to do my morning ritual and journal my private journey so I can see where I get lost and find my way again.

As I’ve been doing each lesson in Base Camp, I can already feel the resistance building.  It’s an actual physical sensation of tension in my gut.  I recognize it easily because, unfortunately, it’s a very familiar feeling.  That tension between wanting to grow, expand, be more … and of wanting to feel safe, unseen and not change.  It’s an ongoing internal battle.

I recognize my fears in what both @jescantonelli and @trish_hyatt have posted.  I procrastinate.  I start and don’t finish.  Worse, I don’t start.  I avoid.  I self-sabotage.  I get stressed and overwhelmed when I’m too busy.  I get scared and unmotivated when I’m not busy enough.  I also worry about taking the wrong path.  Spending too much valuable time, energy and money on the wrong thing; going in the wrong direction; making the wrong decision.  AAAAARGH!

But, there have been times when I have just made a decision and GSD.  I’ve worked my way back to riding horses and coaching after my confidence was completely shattered.  My personal experience became my mission for helping other horse women going through the same thing. I created and taught a workshop about it.   I’ve written and self published a book about it.  I’ve written and published a couple of ebooks.  I’ve done a webinar that lead to a 5 week live online course that became an eCourse.  And, then I just stop …. and get stuck again.  Because that old belief that I can’t seem to get rid of eventually pushes back to the surface … Who do you think you are? You are not good enough.  You will be seen.

And, I just stopped typing after that last sentence and stared at the flashing cursor wondering if I should just delete what I had just written.  I am brave enough to share this in this space?  Am I brave enough to hit the submit button?  Am I brave enough to move forward even though I am afraid?

I’m going to trust that this is a safe place to be vulnerable.  And, I’m going to trust that I can deal with whatever may come of sharing – good or bad.  And I feel the resistance melting away.

Namaste

@annegage thank you for sharing! I have been there too. I have begun to just figure that we humans must be seasonal creatures, like trees losing leaves, sometimes we crap out on our inner resistance. BUT it feels so good to climb out of that! For me I feel like I’ve been climbing out of a rut like the kind you describe in your post, mostly due to getting good daily routines back in my life (one at a time so it doesn’t overwhelm me) and re-reading The Art of War over and over again. Glad to be on the mountain with you, thanks for being brave!

What I am letting go of RIGHT NOW to create the space, courage and confidence I need to reach the top of Launch Summit:
is the FEAR of criticism, worrying about what people will say about me or what I am doing.

I let go of this fear because it does not serve me anymore and has no purpose. I will not make it to the top of the mountain with this fear so I NOW release it. I will remind myself of this during my daily ritual 🙂

I am so grateful for all of the vulnerability I am witnessing here. It is my favourite thing in the world to be naked with other naked people;) I have been stifling with this question, and have a list of beliefs that I will be doing inquiry on this week to clear. I will also burn them in a literal camp fire on NYE:)
My Fears:
I won’t be able to do it.
Nobody will want what I’m offering.
This will be another failed endeavour. 
I have nothing to say/offer. 
I don’t have time.
I am too lazy.
I don’t want to be seen.
I’ll never be successful in this area of my life. 
I will do all this work for nothing. 
I will be giving myself an identity I have to live up to.
I am making my experiences important.
I will always struggle.

I’m keeping a list in Evernote to add to so I can question these beliefs formerly. If anyone does The Work of Byron Katie and would like to inquiry on any of their limiting beliefs, I’d love to facilitate! These are all so deep-rooted. I’m so grateful for this structured process to keep me on the path!