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#4450

Anonymous @

As I’ve been doing each lesson in Base Camp, I can already feel the resistance building.  It’s an actual physical sensation of tension in my gut.  I recognize it easily because, unfortunately, it’s a very familiar feeling.  That tension between wanting to grow, expand, be more … and of wanting to feel safe, unseen and not change.  It’s an ongoing internal battle.

I recognize my fears in what both @jescantonelli and @trish_hyatt have posted.  I procrastinate.  I start and don’t finish.  Worse, I don’t start.  I avoid.  I self-sabotage.  I get stressed and overwhelmed when I’m too busy.  I get scared and unmotivated when I’m not busy enough.  I also worry about taking the wrong path.  Spending too much valuable time, energy and money on the wrong thing; going in the wrong direction; making the wrong decision.  AAAAARGH!

But, there have been times when I have just made a decision and GSD.  I’ve worked my way back to riding horses and coaching after my confidence was completely shattered.  My personal experience became my mission for helping other horse women going through the same thing. I created and taught a workshop about it.   I’ve written and self published a book about it.  I’ve written and published a couple of ebooks.  I’ve done a webinar that lead to a 5 week live online course that became an eCourse.  And, then I just stop …. and get stuck again.  Because that old belief that I can’t seem to get rid of eventually pushes back to the surface … Who do you think you are? You are not good enough.  You will be seen.

And, I just stopped typing after that last sentence and stared at the flashing cursor wondering if I should just delete what I had just written.  I am brave enough to share this in this space?  Am I brave enough to hit the submit button?  Am I brave enough to move forward even though I am afraid?

I’m going to trust that this is a safe place to be vulnerable.  And, I’m going to trust that I can deal with whatever may come of sharing – good or bad.  And I feel the resistance melting away.

Namaste